Family Dynamics

I’ve been thinking a lot about family dynamics and how my family has always functioned. Or rather didn’t. A family tree that is so broken and convoluted you have to use a notebook to keep it straight. No history or legacy that has been passed down except mental health issues. No inheritance that can be traced back to help anyone get a head start in life. Just moving around, bad decisions, debt, poor education and struggle.

I envy my husband and his family that they are as close as they are, even when I get annoyed and just want a Sunday to myself. They have all these stories that they can share and reinforce their memories with each other. Houses they lived in as children, teachers they shared, neighborhood friends and events.

I struggle with this as the closest sibling that I lived with growing up was over 6 years older than I was and we never shared a school, let alone a teacher. The only things I can remember are the more significant memories that I purposely remember over and over on my own. My mother can’t help me because she was doing her best to provide for me or wrapped up in her own issues.

I was talking to my mom the other day about what’s going on back where she is. My retired mother is helping to support my sister. At the same time she is telling me how grateful she is that her uncle is providing support for her and my grandmother. He’s giving them right’s of tenancy of his home after his death. So she doesn’t have to worry about being homeless if he dies unexpectedly. I hate that it comes down to something like this. I did tell her that she would never be homeless. I always have a room for her if she wants it. She would just have to move across the country for it. She has too many obligations there at the moment any way. Her mom, both my sisters, and my stepdad. But I needed to let her know that the option is always there.

I read these fiction stories about the golden child and the scapegoat and I can see the dynamics from the outside. How the squeaky wheel would always get the grease and the one that is quieter doesn’t get as much attention or opportunities within the family. I can’t reconcile that in my own family. I know that I’m the stronger of my siblings, the quieter and more resilient and the one who can take care of myself. I prefer it that way. I’ve been told that I’m the favorite and I feel that it probably the case because I’m the strong one. The one that doesn’t need to be coddled or taken care of. The one that is independent and doesn’t need to be worried about.

I hate the thought that my siblings would think themselves lesser than me for any reason. I know that our mother loves us. I just think that I’m easier to be around because I demand less. Less attention, less care, less money. But that is the case because we are different people. Raised completely differently in practically different households.

Normally I would have had AI make a picture for this, but I couldn’t think of a prompt that would work for this scenario so I’m just going to let the words speak for themselves.