I came across an inspirational video yesterday that prompted me to tell my husband my idea. Putting the washer and dryer side by side and elevating them so that the cat boxes can be put underneath them. His first response was “what problem will this solve?”. I did have a response, saves crouching to switch laundry and less contortion to clean the cat boxes. But the longer that I think about it, why does there have to be a problem to solve if I want to make a change to the house?
We lived in the house in SLC for 12 years and barely made any changes to it unless we had to. A little bit of paint here and there, some gardening. The biggest changes we made were done before we sold the house and that was to make it more attractive to buyers.
We started making changes to the WA house a couple years into it to make it more livable and make the kitchen make more sense and then moved. We’ve been here in NC for three years and we did make some changes when we moved in like getting rid of terrible carpet and painted the bedrooms but we haven’t made any changes since then. We’ve talked about them: the bathrooms that I swear were used for hobbits the sinks are so damned short. The stupid mismatched countertops and lack of usable kitchen storage and a pantry where we can store the kitchen appliances properly.
Every time that I try to talk about making changes or want to do something about it like go to the store, I just get this feeling that he wants to push it off. That attitude of “why should we do anything? What we have is fine now. It works, why change it?” I know that everything I want to do is going to cost money and time. I’m willing to forgo my birthday trip to wherever to live in a house that I love. And I don’t love this house. I tolerate this house. The wall colors that it came with are boring, the paint job that they did is sloppy, the flooring is cheap and they did a terrible job of it.
I can never really tell him that I’m upset about it because it will just add to his stress. He makes the majority of the money and the burden of this would be on him. The same if this would be a DIY job. He does the woodworking and it would fall on him. I would help, but he would do a lot of it. Ryan and Shawn could help, but I don’t know how much they would. I don’t have a lot of hope that they are all that helpful.
Is this just depression talking? I don’t seem to have a lot of hope going on right now. We talked about going to Asheville this fall, I haven’t seen a lot of movement on that. We talked about going somewhere for my 50th birthday this year. I don’t think that’s going to happen either. I’ve got the paperwork to get my passport to maybe go to Jamaica or something. It seems like that might be a good budget trip. A heck of a lot cheaper than Hawaii. I was looking at travel bags and maybe dresses or something. But we’ll probably stay home again. Just another small party with family. Hard not to be sad. Trying to look forward to something and I’m not having much luck right now.
I’m grateful that I have a job, a husband who loves me, a home and all the things that I have. But I am still a little sad sometimes.
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